Choosing love over fear

My Promiscuous Heart

I have lots of discussions about what love is and isn’t. It seems to be the thing I am most curious about. As I’ve mentioned in other articles, love for me was often paired with pain as a child, and it’s been a journey now in experimenting with various types of love to figure out just what it is.

The other day I said something that was a pleasant surprise to me. It showed me my views on love had changed significantly, for the better.

My friend felt that in any coupling or courting, you need to wait some time to decide if you really love that person, see if they are the right fit, wait until the right moment to drop the L word, wait for the right moment is to really give it your all, wait for them to make the first move before showing any vulnerability, and basically hold back until you really really really know because heaven forbid you look foolish or open up too fast.

All that just sounded like fear to me; fear of commitment, fear of being hurt, fear of being vulnerable, and fear stopping us from what we really want: connection.

So I said with my nose held high and my sass coming out, “Well I’ve been in love many times, I loved them all,” in reference to all the guys I’ve dated in the past few years, knowing that some of them only lasted a week or two. We giggled. She knew it was the truth.

What I meant by that is that every person I come across, romantic or not, I go into it thinking I love this person.

Even if it is just for a moment.
Even if it is just for a day.
Even if it is just for a week.
Even if it’s just for a month.

Even if all it is, is just to say without words, “I get you. You are safe here.”

My friend and I giggled because it sounded like I have a promiscuous heart. Which, perhaps I do. But, I make no apologies for it, because really, maybe everyone could be a little more promiscuous with their hearts. When your heart gets broken, it feels like it’s going to die, but really, logically, it’s not. So why not take a chance on every person? Show a little more love, a little more honesty, a little more authenticity, a little more vulnerability, and see what you get. Sometimes the other person may not be ready for the bright loving light that you are, and sometimes it makes all the difference in their world, you never know but it wouldn’t take anything from you to be love.

Even if it’s just for a moment.

Ultimately, it’s all about connection. Connection is love. Connection doesn’t have to last a lifetime. It doesn’t have to be hearts and flowers. It doesn’t have to be sex. It doesn’t have to be with words, and most times it has nothing to do with verbal communication. It is just two people coming together, opening up a space where they are free to share pieces of themselves that maybe they didn’t quite feel comfortable doing anywhere else. Maybe the timing is just right. Maybe we are for a moment an angel in disguise for one another. Maybe it’s just about being completely present for someone. Love comes in so many forms, why not be that in that moment for someone; Present, open, authentic, non-judgmental, compassionate, fun, supportive, the list goes on in ways that you could truly be love.

Love is most definitely a choice and you can make that choice at any point in time in the relationship. Love is infinite. If I give it away in this moment to this person, I will still have lots more to give to lots more people. I will still have lots more moments to be present with other people in a way that is unique to the both of us.

So, my dear promiscuous heart has loved them all. And it’s not stopping here.

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    Great perspective and sharing. You’re right, we all are craving that connection in our lives and there is no reason (really) to hold back out of fear, but instead we should let the love we have in our heart shine and sparkle every day.

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    Love…….well said, Staton Ann.

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